Stephen Colbert may have gotten Donald Trump to call him a "no-talent guy," but Gwyneth Paltrow was called out by NASA—and Colbert is kinda jealous. On Tuesday night's episode of The Late Show, Colbert took aim at Paltrow's lifestyle and wellness brand Goop, its recent conference (we were there!), its jade egg for—well, watch the video—and its body vibes wearable stickers that promote wellness. "Previously, if you wanted wearable stickers that promote healing, you had to buy a box of Band-Aids," Colbert joked. While the stickers were dubbed "a load of BS" by a former chief scientist at NASA, Goop's website explains the science behind them with a fork analogy. "Yes, Goop has apparently consulted with top fork scientists to create these stickers," Colbert said. "So what Goop is saying is, Buy these stickers and go fork yourself."
To get in on the wellness action, Colbert announced he was expanding Covetton House, the spoof lifestyle brand he founded in 2015, to include a "health tape" called glu-ü, imported from the Bavarian village of Duct, and when paired with "energy pods" can help anyone with leaky chakras. It may sound ludicrous, but as Colbert pointed out with 22 million people poised to potentially lose health care coverage if the Republicans pass their health care act, "Folks are going to have to look for alternative medical treatment like prayer, or being rich, or praying to become rich"—or, you know, look to the experts at Goop.