This just in: Teens really like iPhones—and Starbucks, Nike, and YouTube. The latest results from the semiannual Taking Stock With Teens survey conducted by investment firm Piper Jaffray reveals that out of 10,000 teens, 81% expect their next phone to be an iPhone, the highest they've seen ever in the survey. That's a lot of teens, but not exactly surprising. (It's not like they're eager for the new Yezz Billy.) Other discoveries: Teens like Starbucks but not Michael Kors, they can't wait for Fast 8 and the new Star Wars movie, and male teens prefer to spend their money on video games instead of clothing.
While investors may find the research useful (if blindingly obvious), it seems to fit well alongside studies like the one that proved Spider-Man doesn't exist, the survey that showed business travelers like flying more with TSA PreCheck, and the statistical analysis that showed the Mexican drug war increased homicide rates.